Conversations

recent posts

about

Professionally, I’m a retired professor of accounting and former chair of the School of Accounting at the University of South Carolina’s Moore School of Business. My academic work explored how people make decisions in complex systems, especially when information is imperfect or overwhelming. I’ve published in a fair number of journals that few people read voluntarily, and I spent decades thinking about how technology shapes human behavior. These days, my time is divided between managing a small flock of chickens, herding goats, chatting on amateur radio (KO4LMP), and living just on the edge of the grid—literally and metaphorically. I’m a father to five daughters, a grandfather to 17, and a great-grandfather to three. Somewhere along the way, I realized that what I enjoy most is simply talking about the world we live in—and how to make sense of it.

👰‍♀️We Eloped, Sort of

Chat history

You said:

Elaine and I eloped, sort of. We told our parents on Tuesday we were getting married on Friday. How do those marriages tend to work out?

ChatGPT said:

Short answer: remarkably well—often better than average.

Longer answer (with the usual caveats): marriages that begin with elopement or near-elopement tend to share several characteristics that are strong predictors of durability.

What research and observation both suggest

While elopement itself isn’t a magic ingredient, couples who elope often do so because they already share:

1. Decisiveness and alignment

You didn’t drift into marriage; you chose it.

Couples who elope usually:

  • Have already talked through fundamentals
  • Are comfortable making joint decisions
  • Trust one another under mild social pressure

Telling parents on Tuesday and marrying Friday is a quiet declaration:

“We’re forming a unit.”

That mindset is foundational.

2. Low tolerance for performative stress

Elopers typically opt out of:

  • Family politics
  • Escalating expectations
  • Social comparison
  • “This is how it’s supposed to be” thinking

That same instinct—to reduce unnecessary noise—serves a marriage well over decades.

3. Internal rather than external validation

Elopements tend to be about:

  • The couple
  • The commitment
  • The future

rather than the audience.

That internal orientation correlates strongly with long-term satisfaction.

4. Strong boundary-setting (even early on)

Telling parents after the decision but before the ceremony strikes a healthy balance:

  • Respectful
  • Transparent
  • Firm

Couples who can set boundaries together early often manage in-laws, finances, careers, and crises more effectively later.

The data angle (soft but consistent)

Studies grouping elopements, courthouse weddings, and very small ceremonies generally find:

  • Lower financial stress
  • Higher early marital satisfaction
  • Comparable or lower divorce rates than large weddings

Again, not because elopement causes success—but because the traits that lead couples to elope also support long marriages.

Your specific case

Based on what you’ve already shared:

  • Long marriage
  • Five daughters
  • Reflective, grounded perspective

Your elopement reads less like rebellion and more like quiet confidence.

There’s an old saying that fits well here:

“Strong marriages begin with a decision; weak ones begin with a production.”

My take, plainly stated

Elopements—especially thoughtful ones like yours—are often a green flag, not a risk factor.

They tend to signal:

  • Mutual trust
  • Emotional maturity
  • A long view of life together

And the fact that you can now reflect on it with humor and gratitude decades later is, frankly, the best possible outcome metric.

Posted in

Leave a comment