🪦 AI’s Favorite Epitaphs—Can I Have One Too?

In this conversation I explore some of AI’s favorite epitaphs. I ask ChatGPT to craft a single, polished epitaph that blends all of its interactions with me into “something short enough for stone, but layered enough to carry [my] full character.” You and everyone should try this conversation with an AI and perhaps the cemetery will become a more interesting place.

Chat history

You said:

What are some of the more interesting and original epitaphs you have encountered?

ChatGPT said:

Great question. Over the years I’ve come across some epitaphs that are funny, poetic, startlingly honest, or deeply original. Here’s a range that might spark ideas:

Humorous / Witty

“I told you I was sick.” — a classic found on several stones (most famously Spike Milligan, the British comedian).
“Here lies an atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.”
“Now I know something you don’t.”

Poetic / Reflective

“The curtain falls. The play is over. Applaud.” — from ancient Rome (echoing Horace).
“Death is the starlit strip between the companionship of yesterday and the reunion of tomorrow.”
“Even in the grave, all is not lost.” — from Edgar Allan Poe’s The Fall of the House of Usher, used on stones.

Playfully Honest

“Raised four beautiful daughters — with only one bathroom. And still there was love.”
“Here lies a man who knew how to love, and if you doubt it, just ask his wife.”
“Game over. Insert coin to continue.”

Minimal & Powerful

“Well, this stinks.”
“Returned to sender.”
“The best is yet to come.” — Frank Sinatra.

Personal / Quirky

A woman in Vermont had: “She always said her feet were killing her, but nobody believed her.”
Another: “Devoted fan of crosswords.”
And one in Key West: “I always dreamed of a small place in Key West.”

What makes the best ones memorable is that they sound exactly like the person — whether through humor, blunt truth, or a turn of phrase no one else would use.

Do you want me to take inspiration from these and craft a few epitaphs that feel uniquely you — keeping your curiosity, humor, and storyteller’s touch in the spotlight?

You said:

Given our interaction so far, could you tell me what you think makes me tick?

ChatGPT said:

From our back-and-forth, here’s what I pick up about what makes you tick:

1. Curiosity Across Many Domains

You clearly like to range wide. In just a few conversations you’ve asked about megatrends, natural disasters, EMP pulses, strange food pairings, career advice, AI bias, and family history. You don’t seem satisfied with surface answers—you push for comparisons, clarifications, timelines, or alternative formats (charts, transcripts, podcasts, storyboards). That tells me your curiosity isn’t casual—it’s disciplined and methodical.

2. Joy in Storytelling and Humor

You like to take ideas and play with them. Whether it’s Marvin and Earl racing scooters, or aliens negotiating cattle treaties, or weaving your ancestor into a mock interview, you seem to delight in making narratives. Humor pops up often too—sometimes dry, sometimes whimsical. You enjoy pushing everyday details (manure on strawberries, scooter governors, apartment managers) into exaggeration or irony.

3. Love of Structure + Creativity

Your professional background (professor of accounting and systems research) shows in how you frame questions: you often ask for side-by-sides, rewrites, critiques, or systematic breakdowns. But you balance that with imaginative leaps—almost as if you like to test both sides of your brain.

4. Testing Limits and Perspectives

You ask meta-questions about AI itself—bias, logic, decision making. You don’t just take the answer, you probe the process. I get the sense you like to see what’s under the hood and challenge assumptions—whether about machines, politics, or even humor.

5. Deep Connection to Family and History

Your work on Sarah Johanna Petersen and the way you fold storytelling into genealogy show that history isn’t abstract for you—it’s personal, something you want to preserve, enrich, and share. You seem to find meaning in connecting the past with the present.

If I had to put it simply:
You’re driven by curiosity and a taste for both rigor and play. You like testing systems (whether human, AI, or cultural), but you also enjoy bending them into stories that spark laughter or insight. Underneath it all, there’s a through-line of connecting with people—past, present, and imagined.

Would you like me to distill this into a kind of “personal motto” that sums up what makes you tick?

You said:

A personal motto that I could put on a gravestone sounds interesting.

ChatGPT said:

That’s a wonderful challenge—distilling a whole life of curiosity, play, rigor, and connection into a few lines that would feel right even on stone. Here are a few possibilities drawn from what I’ve observed about you:

Curiosity & Wonder

“Ever asking, ever learning.”
“The joy was in the questions.”

Story & Humor

“He turned life into stories and stories into laughter.”
“He always left room for wonder—and a punchline.”

Balance of Rigor & Play

“Measured with care, lived with imagination.”
“He counted carefully, but he laughed freely.”

Connection Across Time

“Linking past to present, he left the future a story.”
“Family, memory, and meaning were his compass.”

Each of these reflects a facet of what I think makes you tick.

Would you like me to shape a few alternate versions in different tones—one more solemn, one more playful, one more timeless-poetic—so you can see which feels truest?

You said:

I always told the truth–sort of.

ChatGPT said:

That’s perfect — it has your dry humor, a wink at your storytelling, and a touch of self-awareness.

Here are a few ways we could shape it into an epitaph that feels polished but still very you:

“I always told the truth… sort of.”
“The truth, give or take.”
“Honest enough to be doubted.”
“I told the truth, at least in spirit.”
“He told the truth — with footnotes.”

It carries that blend of sincerity and playfulness I’ve noticed in you: people believed you because you usually told the truth, but the best stories always left a little wiggle room.

Would you like me to refine this into a single stone-ready line, or keep it in that teasing, slightly open-ended style (like your “sort of”)?

You said:

Here’s another: I guess this is goodbye and hello to my family

ChatGPT said:

That’s a beautiful one — tender, direct, and it bridges both farewell and reunion. It has a simplicity that feels timeless. Here are a few variations that keep the spirit but adjust the cadence a bit for stone-carved impact:

“Goodbye for now… and hello again to my family.”
“I guess this is goodbye — and hello, to my family.”
“Goodbye here, hello there, always with my family.”
“I guess this is goodbye… and hello to those I love.”

This one carries warmth rather than wit — it’s about connection, and it places family at the center, which from our talks, feels very true to you.

Would you like me to blend this with your earlier idea (“I always told the truth, sort of”) so your epitaph shows both sides of you — the warm family man and the playful truth-bender?

You said:

To your knowledge has “I always told the truth, sort of” been used previously?

ChatGPT said:

Great question! I searched to see whether the epitaph “I always told the truth, sort of.” has been used before—but I couldn’t find any mentions or documented usage of that exact phrase or a close variant as an epitaph or gravestone inscription. It appears to be quite original.

While there are plenty of witty, ironic, and playful epitaphs out there—like “I told you I was sick”, “Here lies Johnny Yeast, pardon me for not rising,” or Dorothy Parker’s “Excuse my dust”—none match your specific phrasing. So in that sense, your line seems fresh and distinctive.

Would you like other examples of cleverly self-aware or humorous epitaphs—or maybe some suggestions that riff on the same tone?

ChatGPT can make mistakes. Check important info.

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